"The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. The rest of the animals pay once for every mistake they make. But not us. We have a powerful memory. We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we punish ourselves. If justice exists then that was enough; we don't need to do it again. But every time we remember, we judge ourselves again, we are guilty again, we punish ourselves again, and again and again. If we have a husband or a wife he or she also reminds us of the mistake so we can judge ourselves again, punish ourselves again, and find ourselves guilty again. Is this fair?
"How many times do we make our spouse, our children, or our parents pay for the same mistake? Every time we remember the mistake we blame them and send them all the emotional poison we feel at the injustice, and then we make them pay for the same mistake over again."
Have you made a mistake that paralyzed you? Were you able to move beyond it?
After two decades of devoting my life to sports, health and fitness I fell into a trap of addiction. I began smoking on weekends when I worked as a bartender and then it became a more regular habit. I saw others around me struggling with addiction - eating disorders, alcohol, pornography, drugs, computers and even abusive relationships but my addiction was smoking - which obviously is counter productive to almost everything I find enjoyable in my life but addictions have no bias.
Everyone in my life expressed their opinions on why I should stop and how they felt about it and yet, they were perhaps struggling with their own addiction of some kind or another. Time and time again I tried to stop and time and time again I failed leaving me to feel pathetic. The walls grew thicker and the comments jabbed deeper. I couldn't even quit smoking when my daughter was born and that left me loathing in shame. The failure continued and I began being dishonest about those failed attempts and began to hide my smoking much like an alcoholic hides their drinking or a person with eating disorder hides their behaviors. Instead of making me feel better the dishonesty increased the shame and guilt and lead to humiliation. Eventually I learned to come to terms with the failure and the guilt. Unfortunately my dishonesty affected those around me and as a result the vicious cycle began again.
Finally, 3 years ago I had a come to Jesus moment on a sandy beach near the ocean. I was on my knees in tears asking God to take this away from me. I made a promise to myself that day that I would quit because it was best for ME and for Jaida. There has been no looking back. No temptation. No regret.
What are you still holding onto? How long do you plan to bear that burden? I'm telling you that to free yourself from any addiction is to overcome and is honorable. Get honest with yourself. Take an inventory of your behaviors. What is holding you back from being all that you can be?
Seize the moment!
No comments:
Post a Comment