Insecurity Is Not a Fruit of the Spirit

Galations 5:22: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self-control; against such there is no law."

I don't know about you but the very last thing I want (or need) is to be judged by others. I am the harshest critic there is when it comes to me. I remember by failures. I criticize things about myself that I wish were different. I certainly don't need your help. I can tear myself down better than anyone. Sound familiar? Criticism is grounded in insecurity. Insecurity causes doubt and fear. Doubt and fear use expectation to bookend themselves. And we all know expectation is the path to disappointment. I don't like this path. Do you?

Confidence is the opposite of insecurity. So how do we obtain confidence? At the beginning of the year my daughter Jaida took a Math Pre-Test. The tests are always used as bench marks coming into a new school year. The teachers don't always explain that the intent is to see where the class is at so they know how to approach the course material. Jaida didn't do well and felt incredibly insecure. I took this as a personal challenge to also kind of bench mark her confidence. We spent an extra 20 minutes a day, every day, working on math. We used tables for memorization. We used different theories on how to come to a conclusion. It wasn't exactly how they were teaching it in school but it was practical and sensible and way for her to double check herself. Slowly but surely the sessions became less conflictive and more productive. Until finally, she brought home a 96% on her last Math exam. Her teacher noted in conferences that she was "really getting it" and "doing quite well" in Math. This was huge progress, especially under the circumstances we had been dealing with the last few years.



So what was the key? As with anything, practice. They say it takes 30 days to create or break a habit. I can attest to that in many of my parenting practices. We sit down every day at 415 when we get home and as Jaida now mimics, "We crank it out." We don't play. We don't go to the neighbors. We try not to run errands. We created an environment where "Homework Happens First" in our household. And even more importantly, after having had to play the Drill Sergeant for 30 days, I now can now sit back and teach and mentor. Practice builds skills. Skills build confidence.

Confidence shuns doubt. Confidence defies fear in this case. But in other circumstances, confidence allows one to face fear head on. Expectation in this instance, becomes our friend. We have expectations of when and how we will do something. We stick to it no matter what. We have tried to negotiate other avenues and the outcomes were not productive. So we stick to what we have agreed to  as our expectations. They are proven successful.

It ALL starts with US. If we criticize our bodies, our children will criticize theirs. If we express ambivalence toward Math (or any subject), they will also. If we curse at other drivers our children will too. And if we are hateful or ignorance toward any group of people, our children will learn to be as well. You choose to be a parent. So did I. It is our duty and responsibility to raise them up feeling confident and secure. We must recognize when they are feeling distant and lonely. We must enter into that space with them and find out what is underlying. We cannot disconnect because they are becoming individuals and expressing opinions. We must that showing respect is earning respect. We can teach them to believe in themselves by building them up and  setting boundaries. We have so much experience to build on. Unfortunately, too many of us today are still insecure in ourselves, our jobs and our relationships. I want more for my child and sometimes that means learning to be better myself.

What path are you taking?