Last quarter I was asked by a classmate to Co-Chair the Queer Coalition at Iliff School of Theology. I'll admit, I do not understand what the Queer Coalition is or does but I assumed it was a place that welcomed those who didn't feel welcome in other groups or that could find a group that represented them. In my generation, queer was not a positive and inviting word. Instead it was one of the many derogatory words written on my car window in Lincoln, Nebraska. Queer, Dyke, Freak. I am learning that the younger generation and the activists have reclaimed this word and turned it into something all-inclusive and transforming and I love that.
I am taking 14 hours this winter, serving on a Strategic Planning Committee at Iliff, dedicated to my daughter and her nightly barrage of math, spelling and reading, keep the household chores and meals flowing, committing to self care by way of regular exercise, securing quality time (my primary love language) with my partner who also shares this love language, and in the midst of all of this, despite my hesitation, I committed to being involved with the Queer Coalition. Mind you, I am NOT 'in charge' and the woman that has taken that task on is to be commended for her deep rooted activism in the city of Denver and in the Queer and Trans community. Bless you girl! As classes resume and the Coalition meets for it's first gathering of the 2015-16 school year, I am excited and nervous at the same time. I am not quite sure what I will bring to the table, and yet, at times I am certain. The point is, I stepped out of my comfort zone for a couple of reasons: 1) I owe it to ALL activists who have fought for my right to have same sex partner benefits, to marry, to have tax benefits, hospital visitations and to proudly teach my child what it means to have two Moms, just to name a few. 2) I felt God was leading me to step outside of my comfort zone and do something I had never done before. 3) Because I have a unique voice and way of uniting people and my ministry has always been and will always be about building bridges.
So why do I share this you ask? A high school classmate of mine reached out this summer and said, "Cheryl, I'd like to find a way to help you on your journey but I am an atheist ..." The friendship that has transpired from our ongoing communication has been life challenging. When someone challenges your beliefs you quickly find your foundation and that which you are certain and rattled by those ideals or beliefs that you no longer align with. Iliff calls this phase the 'deconstruction' and my friend has taken a front seat in this process while accepting and respecting my beliefs. I am honored that he wants to be a part of my journey, but I love him for the man and husband that he is. While many things he has said or suggested are on my heart daily, one thing that he challenged me on was the Queer Coalition. He said, "so no straights at the Queer Coalition?" My response to him was, "... Until I get ahold of them. Remember, a tempered radical works from the inside." His final comment, "Inclusion doesn't start with exclusion, Miss Co-Chair."
I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this conversation and I have been spending a lot of time thinking about my assumptions of what the Queer Coalition is. I understand and support the activism of my classmate who is the Chair and can make assumptions based on what I know about her as well. The point is, this is exactly what I need and this is exactly where I am needed. I have always been told that I have a 'unique voice' and a 'gift' at uniting people and I DO! Just as the Chairperson has a unique voice and personality for activism, I have something I can offer to this group as well but my ministry, my bridge if you will, will extend from within this community outward towards the greater community - churches, communities, schools, families. Sometimes you need to hunker down in the trenches where it's messy and be willing to experience that which is different than you and yours. Sometimes you have to be open to be vulnerable and allow your empathy to become compassion by getting dirty yourself. Sometimes you have to be willing to accept that you were wrong or that your ideas might have been skewed and be willing to explore that.
The ministry I have always envisioned is about building bridges of hope, understanding, and love. For me it's not just about the LGBTQ communities, it's about ALL of us. My African American friends have challenged me to consider the reality of their oppression and how the abolition of slavery and the right to vote and sit on a bus with white people doesn't make them equal in all ways in 2015. There are still so many issues. For the sake of my own daughter Jaida, who despite her blonde hair, is part African American, I must listen and learn. My friends who believe in other Gods, be it Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim and Pagan, offer a unique and challenging perspective. If I respond to them with what I took from my childhood Christian education, essentially they would be excluded from the Kingdom of God. The same goes for my friend who is atheist. We share MANY similar beliefs and yet I can't even stand firm on who my God is at the moment because over the past decade my idea of God has changed so much. And finally, I consider my devout Mormon and Catholic friends whose faith tradition teaches that the very person that I am is acceptable to God only if I abstain - in other words, not be authentic or honest. These are all my burdens to bear - how my childhood experiences and perceptions shaped and molded me as I grew up in the 70's and 80's versus who I am today and more importantly, who I can become.
A quote from the book 'Illusions' says, 'You teach best what you need to learn most." The very next week after reading that quote I was speaking about Forgiveness before a church congregation. Obviously I am working out forgiveness in my own life, both in offering forgiveness and receiving forgiveness, but it's a process and it takes time and it's starts with ourselves. If my ministry is about building bridges it must be that I am in a deeply emotional and spiritual process to build bridges in my own life. My friend was right, no matter what, you can't be inclusive by being exclusive. The entire Iliff student body should be invited to be a part of the Queer Coalition. I ask you to pray for my Chairperson and the group as I navigate sensitive territory and find my way. I know perhaps there are bridges within that community itself that I need to build or cross before I can have the knowledge and experience to reach outward.
As we move into 2016 I have prayed long and hard about my resolution. I have been an "other" all of my life. I have been called so many undignified names in my lifetime, despite all my prayers to be something different, God created me perfectly in His image, worthy of praise and honor, and created me to love deeply and spiritually. So this resolution is for all of the "others" out there: mine, yours, metaphorically speaking - the unlovable and the lepers. I will be in daily spiritual practice and vow to lovingly and tactfully call out language that lacks love, respect, dignity and human kindness. I ask that you hold me accountable and understand that each and every one of us is valued.
Peace.
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